Adding To The List Of Ways I've Ruined My Children's Future

My sister Malibu Barbie stayed with us all last week. Since she's eleven, I had to homeschool all three kids. For some reason the challenge of this made me much more proactive then usual. I reached peak awesomeness: I took them to see a play, taught them about dead leaves, planted gardens with them, cooked them healthy(ish) meals. I helped Malibu Barbie navigate the the murky waters of converting centuries into days. She can thank me when she's grown and she never needs to use that information. Seriously, when was the last time you said to yourself, "Now how many days were in the last century?" I taught Mallory about parts of speech. She's diagramming dangling participles now (that might be a mild exaggeration). As for Anthony, we've kind of been using his education like a parlor trick: "Hey look at my kid! He can add 2+2 and he's only three. Listen to him say his letter sounds, etc." This might make us bad parents. I'm not sure.

In addition to all of that, I managed to keep my laundry clean (yea for clean undies), and the kids and I took a walk to the park. It turned out the the public schools only had a half-day that day and the park was PACKED. I turned my kiddos loose and sat on the bench with the other moms. Let me just say, I have never in my life belonged to a clique. I think most of us assumed that after high school ended, cliques just disappeared, only to later find out that Mommyhood is exceptionally cliquey.

Do you breastfeed or formula feed?
Cloth diapers?
Fast food and hot dogs or all organic?
High-end preschool or stay-at-home?

After listening to the mom's at the park talk amongst themselves (loud enough for everyone else to hear by the way), I have determined that I'm going to have to change some things around here if I don't want to doom my children to a life of social outcastness (yeah, I totally just made that word up).While there are clearly many glaring flaws in my parenting, probably the most egregious one is that I have failed to teach my children the dangers of eating. I did teach my children that the meat we eat at meals comes from animals, however I failed to educate them on how those animals are mistreated. Fortunately for me, this can be rectified by allowing my small children to watch the documentary, "Food, Inc." This is the only way that my little girl can reach the enlightenment that the other mothers at the park kids have and refuse to eat any meat.

While I work on helping my children achieve the enlightenment that I myself lack, I suppose I could get my kids into everyone's good graces by pointing out how we planted our own herbs and veggies. It doesn't get any more organic then that.


But let's be honest, no amount of enlightenment is going to save my kids social future if any of those moms get wind that I let my kids plant a garden and play in the dirt in my kitchen.

 
Where I cook...dead animals...and non-organic produce.

I let my son rub all that potting soil into the table that I feed him breakfast at.


These poor kids don't stand a chance.


The results of the Rock Out or Wax Off are coming later this week. I swear...would I lie to you?

12 comments:

tbsomeday said...

ugh, i hate cliques
you are right..i so thought we left that behind in high school--but they will never die
even my 5yr old's preschool class has become that way
as a mother of three girls, that drama is my biggest worry right now

i do have to add in a snippit about "food inc"
it's actually very little about animal cruelty, it's mostly a political expose on how food gets to your table
i recommend everyone watch it...it's not about being a vegetarian at all..but about being aware of where you food comes from...it's really more about how where we get our food hurts people than animals
all the people i know (non-organic meat eaters) found it very interesting and were really glad they watched it
it's more an eat local, support small farmer's thing and it's interesting to learn the many reasons why that becomes best for everyone

okay--enough of that tangent :)
sorry the uppity moms put a bad taste in your mouth about it

sounds like you had a great week! i nominate you supermom
the garden planting was an awesome idea!

Bethany said...

They didn't turn me off to Food, Inc. I actually think that it looked interesting. It just always bothers me when people accept things as the end-all be-all just because someone on T.V. told them it is so. Documentaries start in fact but are also a product of the makers opinions and beliefs. I'm not saying Food, Inc specifically b/c I haven't seen that one yet, but I do think we have to be careful not to blindly accept documentaries as fact.

As for the supermom thing, now that my sister is gone I've returned to actively ignoring my responsibilities. Ah, it's good to be me again.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

It sounds like a very productive week. I wish I had those...

Hm. What kind of clique could we start? How about "moms who let their children continue thinking that holding the camera to the forehead as it is pointing back toward them, is a good way to take pictures" or "moms who yell at the kids to 'put that thing back where it came from or so help me!'"

Punk said...

So help me!

coach said...

No chance in the world we stop eating meat at this house. If that happens who knows what this guy would. A Matthew without Big Macs can not exist in this world.

Grand Pooba said...

Hmmmm, mommy cliques. For some reason it sounds worse than High School cliques. So why aren't there non-mommy cliques?

Amanda said...

Why'd you have to go be all superwoman today, educating your kids and doing laundry, making the rest of us look bad?

You know what you should do next time? Take a picnic with hotdogs. NObody who watches food, inc. or lets their children watch food, inc. would EVER want to get withing 5 ft. of a hot dog.

Cori said...

Can there be a "I haven't shower in three days and you're lucky I haven't strangled someone yet" mommy clique? If so, I'm all over it.

The Football Wife said...

You really should watch Food, Inc. I was shocked & then I cried. Now I shop at Trader Joes and buy organic whenever I can.

I tried to be a vegetarian for a week but now I'm just more selective when I purchase meat.

p.s. if you have Netflix, you can watch it online

Uptown Girl said...

ditto to what Amanda said. take hot dogs to the park and make a mommy click of your own called "moms who let kids eat hot dogs no matter what they may contain". I'd gladly join your click but alas I'm not a mommy...

JoeyRes said...

I hope you'll keep the following between the two of us: I seek out non-organic produce at the grocery store. There's a big display of ORGANIC green peppers. I march right up and ask where are the ones with all the pesticides. I buy them. They are cheaper and none of us has died yet.

My fate in the mommy cliche is doomed if that info gets out. Also if I ever run into another mom at the grocery store - doomed!

Anti-Supermom said...

This could have come straight out of my mouth... umm fingers, whatever.

My kids are doomed, I've already accepted that.