Well I suppose one might argue that I had a grueling day all around. I mean besides the thinking, I also watched two grown men pretend to be singing amphibians for an hour or so this morning. (true story)
Now sometimes when I'm trying to think of something and I get stuck, I put on music and dance around my living room. I bounce around, I wiggle like no dancer ever should and once in a while I find myself doing "the Elaine."
When the dancing fails me, I turn to the only person in the world that keeps track of my cycle for me... that I know of. I suppose that there could be a whole sect of people that I don't know about that have designed their life around my cycle, but I don't have any of their IM names so I only IMed Jessica.
Here is our conversation:
Me: Jessica, how could I be a better person. Give it your best shot.
Jessica: are you asking me to criticize you?
Jessica: Do you recall the debacle with Justin and myspace and a little issue with his song
Please don't do this to me
Me: I wasn't actually looking for real criticism.
I actually had a moment of panic when you asked me if I really wanted to be criticized.
Jessica: ok.. um... scale back your love affair with Heidi Klum
Me: but, but, what's wrong with Heidi Klum?
Jessica: nothing. But you're a stalker. Right? This is supposed to be over the top, isn't it?
And then after a whole day of thinking and not coming up with anything, Jessica rattled off this list of ways for me to be a better person in like less then ten seconds:
Jessica: Be a better person by supporting Trent more
and giving your kids real alcohol in their math shot glasses
instead of that cheap crap you keep giving them
this is funny but weird
and learn to punctuate
that one's half-serious
That's like five things. Five things in like 10 seconds. I think it's obvious that I am no longer talking to her. What does she know anyway? She doesn't even own shot glasses. NERD.
I decided her opinion didn't count and contacted someone less nerdy. So I contacted Ryan. (He and Bryan were the only other two people I saw online and I'm pretty sure if I asked Bryan his answer would be honest and make me cry.)
Things went south between Ryan and I right from the beginning and before I knew it I was calling him a chicken and he was calling me a "playoff Yankee fan"
I probably won't be talking to him anymore either.