How I Found Love In A Public Restroom

Last weekend, Matt and I loaded up my mother's eight passenger van with warm bodies and drove them five hours, one lunch at the BK Lounge and roughly 67 bathroom trips out to Buffalo. We did this in honor of the Buffalo Bills annual "Kids' Day Celebration."  

 So we brought kids. 
We didn't bring the crazy half-naked man or the man with the boa. Just the kids.

And because no five hour trip is complete with only two kids, we brought two more. I have no idea how to explain the pose my son made here... Would you believe he gets that from his father?

At least he kept his shirt on.

CeCe came too. We are continuing our quest to wed her off to Trent. Last year I managed to get them into the same city, but I failed to introduce them. I believe that this was a direct result of my lack of a clear cut plan. So this year, I made a plan. It was an excellent plan. It even comes with a visual aid.

It's clear because Trent is not the focal point of any of the player pictures, proof that I didn't have the camera at this point in the day. So work with me here. See 99? Then 96? And then 4 way off in the distance? Trent is the player walking toward 4. Sadly this is the best picture that Ryan took of Trent. You disappoint me, Ryan. Disappoint.

Anyway back to my plan to hook my friend up with a hottie QB! You might have noticed from the pictures of the kids that we were really close to the field. Mallory and Thor actually got to high-five 99 at one point. It would have been no big deal at all for CeCe to "fall" onto the field while Trent was tossing balls to his wide receivers to warm up. Getting onto the field was the easy part. Getting past all the men between CeCe and Trent was trickier. So the plan was for her to run as fast as she could and then at the precise moment, intercept a pass from Trent. Then he would know: she completes him. The rest would be history.

It's a beautiful and romantic plan, isn't it? One I spent a whole year coming up with (or I might have just come up with it on the spot, thus not giving CeCe enough time to properly train for such a plan).

CeCe wasn't the only one that (almost) made a love connection.

Yep, that's Thor and Loki with the Jills. The boys were refusing to pose with them, but I might have asked one of the girls to help me embarrass my brother and she was so down. Then, of course, Ryan told them to man up and take a picture with the girls. (Notice Ryan's not in the picture.) Ryan did, however, give each of the boys a little money to donate to the cheerleaders' cause. So Best Wingman of the Trip goes to Ryan.

Now you've suffered through a whole post, and I've only mention public restrooms once and have failed to tell any exciting stories about using one. So here it is, the story of how I found love next to a toilet stall.

I took Mallory to the bathroom for the 32nd time. I was waiting outside her stall for her since I didn't need to pee on account of having already been to the bathroom 31 previous times. I was doing my best to not make eye contact with other restroom patrons, but there was a small gaggle of girls hanging out in the middle of the bathroom. Their hair was way overdone, and they were each wearing enough make-up to join a circus. Since clearly their physical appearance wasn't attention grabbing enough, they spoke to each other as loudly as possible. I suspected that perhaps one or all of them were hard of hearing, but a quick check revealed no hearing aids for this group of twenty-somethings. Here is how their conversation went (it helps to get the true feel for the event if you imagine them yelling at each other):

"Oh my God, we totally have to get a picture of all of us together."


"I just need to find someone who can take it."

(me frantically trying not to make eye contact)

Then the girl with the camera looked at me kind of crazy (see above).

"Would you take our picture?"

I agree, secretly wondering why anyone could possibly want a picture of themselves and all of their besties in a bathroom.

Then as she handed me the camera, she said the words that set my heart a flutter and changed my life:

"Oh my God, I love you forever!"

Really? Do you mean it?

And then as quickly as she fell in love with me, my life-long bathroom love disappeared in the throngs of sports fans while screaming something to her friends about posting that picture on her facebook.

And I never saw her again.

CeCe and I wept all the way home for our lost loves. Although in all fairness, with a year of solid training, CeCe could totally win Trent over next year.


Kathy English said...

You are too funny - and your photos perfectly complement your post, too! The descriptions of the 20-somethings are spot on, I think that group of women (girls) must have been at a baseball game here in Michigan this summer. Though, not a one of them professed to love ME forever!

just call me jo said...

Hilarious...Alas, Trent is lonely for another season? Hopefully, you will perfect your plan. Love the bathroom story. Good times.

tbsomeday said...

lol--i love you forever for this post :)

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

So sorry about your lost love.

Hey, wait! WE are supposed to meet in Buffalo - not some random yelling girl in a restroom. pft.

Just Plain Tired said...

Yanno, sometimes forever is the briefest moment in time for some people. Here's hoping you can one day find love in a public restroom again where the forever part isn't so fleeting.. or something. ;)

Dione said...

You weren't kidding - you haven't blogged in forever! But you've got a few good excuses. I am happy to announce that I blogged today! Don't know what came over me.

No pressure, but I'm looking forward to your next blog ;)