One of the blogs I frequent is written by a girl who runs a monthly reading called cringe. On her website she describes cringe as,
" ...a monthly reading series hosted by Sarah Brown at Freddy’s Bar & Backroom in Brooklyn. On the first Wednesday of each month, brave souls come forward and read aloud from their teenage diaries, journals, notes, letters, poems, abandoned rock operas, and other general representations of the crushing misery of their humiliating adolescence. It’s better and cheaper than therapy."
I ran across a few of my old diaries and decided to give them a quick look over to see what I was all about back in the day. Cringe is the perfect word to describe what it's like to read about your former self. The diaries I still have range from age 6 to 18. I found the younger I was the more boy crazy I was. I think that's usually the other way around, isn't it?
Here is an entry dated 4/23/1987 proving that even at age 6 girls are confused about how they feel about boys. (yes this was all part of the same entry.)
I Hate Andy. Love Missy
I love Andy for a boyfriend. Love Missy
Question. What do they call a girl in High School that loves this many boys at once? Thank God I outgrew this nonsense by then. For the record I don't remember who any of these boys were. Not a one. Dated 10/31 (1988?) Age 8.
I LOVE BRIAN
I LOVE JASON
I LOVE MIKELL
I LOVE NICOLISE
I LOVE DAVID
I LOVE ROLAND
I LOVE KEVIN
Finally from the diary of pre-pubescent love, this entry dated 1/11/1988 Age 7.
Last time I went to the skating rink I fell in love. The boys name is Kevin. Love Missy
Ah, young love at the skating rink. I still have no idea who this Kevin kid was but I'm sure he was special.
By 10 I had focused my sights in on one boy. It's a good thing too because who can keep up with that many boys? At least with only one boy to remember I have a vague recollection of him being a real person. At this point my diary entries definitely became more cringe-y.
Tonight the 1st of October (1990) is one of the best nights of my life...My heart is now a train. First off Trent* (heartthrob) was looking at me!...
My diary goes on about him for like 6 months, that's a long time for a girl with my attention span. So many boys, so little time.
*Not to be confused with Buffalo Bills QB Trent Edwards, who is also a total heartthrob.
Here are some of my thoughts on Punk when she was 12 (1990). These thoughts are also note-worthy because this might actually be the first time I wrote about something other than boys.
Sometimes Punk can be a pain. I think she's starting to like boys over me and boy is she flirty. Rebbecca stayed for supper. We played barbies and gymnastics and talked and played with Socks (my cat) and the computer.
Punk is also a snob. If there is one thing I hate it's piano. I mean I absolutely hate the piano...
I'm thinking that I didn't make alot of sense at 10. Also I clearly like Punk better now that we don't share a room.
As I got older, I stopped talking about boys altogether and became obsessed with how happy or sad I felt. Very egocentric. While I was never cool enough to attempt to write a rock opera I did try my hand at some poetry and lyrics which I will so kindly spare you the agony of. I also wrote alot of "what I did today" entries which went something like this,
I read a book, I drank a glass of water, I made my bed, I read some more, I went to wal-mart, more water, this time with lemon slices...more reading. Riveting stuff really.
I was a really boring teenager. I never thought I'd be so proud to realize that as an adult I'm more like the 6 year old version of myself than the teenage version. Except I can spell marginally better. I could have really used spell-check at 6.
Dated 4/21/87 Age 6
I am going to see my sistr's play today I am icsidid. Love Missy
Are you brave enough to share something from your childhood?