If Inner Beauty is Such a Big Deal Why Have I Never Made the Cut?

It used to be tradition that my brother would buy People's 50 Most Beautiful issue for me on my birthday. I loved it. I even remember on my sixteenth birthday one of my friends ripped Pierce Brosnan's picture out to take it home with her. I've never gotten his appeal, I suppose I'm just more of a Daniel Craig girl...mmm...I digress.
People have since changed the format of this issue to include 100 people (and yet I still haven't made the list) and my brother stopped buying it for me years ago (I don't know when he stopped loving me. I kid, I kid, I think). So today I bought it for myself.
I was flipping through pondering the important questions it raised, such as, "Is she (Lindsey Lohan) too skinny?" (YES) "Are Josh (Lucas) and Rachel (McAdams) apartment hunting?" (sinners) and do I care that Casey Aldridge was injured in a truck crash? (No, which raises the question, am I a bad person?). Then I stumbled across this gem by Tina Fey*,

"Sometimes when I injure myself, I laugh uncontrollably. I know it's a weird reaction. I can't explain it. For example, the other day my daughter accidentally head-butted me right in the crotch bone, and I just kept laughing, thinking about how only parents, soccer goalies and giants have to worry about the head butt to the crotch."

I have never wanted to be head butted in the crotch bone before but strangely now I have the urge. Maybe the next time Braden runs at me at full speed instead of raising my hands to defend myself I'll just let it ride. That way I'll get to find out what it's like to be a giant. I might even yell Goooooaaaaalllll!! afterwards.

*Tina Fey, I might love you a little, but only when I've been drinking.


Dione said...

Ouch! But may I suggest you protect your mouth. I lost a tooth to a kid's head butt to the mug. It didn't fall out, it just slowly died till I found myself in terrible pain during the last trimester of a pregnancy. I wound up having an emergency root canal. The past few years it has been turning brown and will cost me over $100 to have it bleached internally.

Just a suggestion!

Missy said...

lol! I promise I will heed your advice. No one wants a facial injury.

Punk said...

Ooh, said unloving-brother took a sled to the face as a toddler and ended up with gray tooth. Fortunately for him, it was a baby tooth, so he only had to wait for it to fall out and then wait until the adult tooth filled in.

Remember that? No, you probably don't...

Can I just say that I have vivid memories of People's 50 Most Beautiful People laying around your/ our room?

Say it with me: Matthew McConnoughey. Derek Jeter. Djimon Honsou.

Whoops. Need a napkin.

Coach said...

The sexiest person alive has to be ROBERT PATTINSON. That boy is just oh so sexy. How in the world could he not be voted number 1. That Christina Applegate is oh so last year. She wasn't even that pretty when she was on Married With Children.

Now back to Robby P. All the girls and us guys just dream of looking like that, and just think if he happened to ask us out on a date. Oh my goodness how great that would be. He is just a super stud.

Coach said...

Ok so that was just a joke but I am kind of funny. By the way I commend People for making Ms. Applegate the sexiest person alive. Next time though consider some of these names as well

1. Carmen Electra
2. Robin Meade
3. Tara Lipinski
4. Katy Perry/Zoey Dechanel same person really.

Just a few thoughts

Missy said...

You are funny, but Coach, there is nothing sexy about Tara Lipinski. You need to let it go.
Oh and Robert Pattinson should have been number 1. Darn you Christina! Darn you to heck.

Punk said...

Robert Pattinson *dreamy sigh*

Oh, Coach, you know just what women want. Yes, that's right: 22 year old English vampire-actors. Who sing like Van Morrison. Mmm.

And werewolves. *scampering into the haze*