A Moment Of Reflection

I was talking to my Irish Pirate on the phone this morning. She and her crew just got home from an out of town funeral, and she was recounting the events that took place. Before I go any further, I would like to suggest, no, BEG my Irish Pirate to blog about this funeral. Please.
Ahem, as is often the case when you discuss funerals, we began to discuss what the wake/funerals of our loved ones should be like. My Dad has gone on record as saying he would like us to have a pizza party to celebrate his life. My Irish Pirate said that she intends on handing out shots of Jack Daniels at her husband's funeral (It's his favorite drink). I, for one, am all about that. I've always found wakes particularly creepy and figure that a little Jack Daniels couldn't hurt. If anyone cares, when I die, I'm OK with being cremated. You can sprinkle my ashes on the Buffalo Bills field. After the sprinkling ceremony, if the weather permits you may have a bonfire as a way of recreating my cremation and then everyone can have smores.

I continued to contemplate death well after our phone call ended. Finally, I decided that I needed enlightenment so I headed to the Chinese Buffet. I patiently waited for enlightment to come while I ate a variety of foods cooked in soy sauce. After I finished my meal, the server brought out the enlightment. I eagerly opened my cookie  and read it.

New people will bring you new realizations, especially big issues.

Those Chinese are wiser and deeper than I anticipated. I like to think that I'm reasonably smart, but they have blown my mind with this wisdom. I'm confounded. Are new people bringing me higher enlightment or drama? Am I supposed to avoid new people or embrace them? Is it appropriate to discuss medical issues at lunch? All these questions had my head spinning and I went into a bit of a panic. I tore into the rest of the Enlightment Cookies on the table and read through them.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
Your winsome smile will be your sure protection.
In order to take one must first give.

After meditating on all of this wisdom, here is my interpretation: New people will enter my life, and they will help me realize what I stand for. However, these same new people will be loud, meddlesome and overopinionated, and the drama they bring will cause me to become overwhelmingly foolish and gullible unless I use my secret weapon (a winsome smile) to combat the drama. However, before I can put any of this newly found elightment to use, I must first pay my lunch bill.

Whew, enlightment is exhausting.

The moral of this post is: When searching for enlightment for life's questions, skip the fortune cookies and just ask the Magic 8 Ball.

Because I find great joy in poking at people's brains, I have yet another question for you. Do you think it's morbid to plan your own wake/funeral?


9 comments:

Sara - The Football Wife said...

At my great-grandmother's (Gert)funeral in Buffalo, there was a telephone call for my already dead grandmother (Marilyn). That was creepy...

My grandmother (Marilyn) died in 1996 from cancer and she planned her funeral & designed her headstone. Her service was so personal and so deeply moving.

You, however, don't have time to plan your funeral. You have babies to chase!

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

nope, but my husband does. His entire family is creeped out by death. It's always just been a cycle of life in my family. . .of course, that could be because we tend to live short, tragic lives. (We're dropping like flies, actually. . .)

Dione said...

When I think of a wake I picture a dead person lying on the dining room table. I wouldn't want my friends parading through my dirty home. How would I know it's dirty? Well, I'm dead, aren't I?

But I want to talk about Chinese Food. I like Chinese Food. The dilemma is... You have to eat a fortune cookie if you have Chinese Food. And if you eat a fortune cookie than you have to read the fortune. And regardless of which fortune cookie you end up with, it's your fortune. You were meant to have that fortune. Your life course is set. The only option is to not eat Chinese food. But what kind of life would that be?

Mr. Punk said...

"In order to take one must first give."

That's just a straight-up lie. Perhaps replace "must" with "should". That would be more accurate, imo.

Morbid to plan your wake-funeral? Nah... planning is never a bad thing, imo.

"AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS OF FOOD WHEN BURNING FLESH COMES UP?"

Depends on what type of flesh it is you're referring to and how/where it is coming up... ,imo.

Punk said...

Mister o' Mine, what have you been smoking at that place you call "work"?

Dione, I'm with you with the dirty house issue. *shudder* Though, if I'm dead, that means my mother's visiting. And if my mother knows there are people coming, she'll have my house cleaned in no time. Okay, I feel better.

Rachel, yeah, our families don't live long lives either. But short, tragic ones? That's sad.

Now, in my case, I used to say, Meh, just cremate me. But now, I'm much more practical: Donate the goods to science, baby! It's not like I'm getting any more used out of me. Someone might as well be.

As for the rest, just make sure I have decent music and serve good coffee. Missy, if, by chance, I go first, can you handle the decent music and coffee refreshments? Thank you.

Missy said...

you are leaving me in charge of the decent music portion? We don't see eye to eye on music. Should I play Our Lady Peace? We could have a Rock Show. A Rock Show Funeral. I am so good at planning wakes.

Oh, Dione, in Italy they lay the deseased out in a bedroom with candles around them. As a result my mother-in-law (she's from Italy) doesn't like candles. They remind her of death.

coach said...

Ok for me it's one of two things. Either send me to Italy to be in the mausoleum where my Grandparents are buried or at the very least due to monetary reasons bury me here but have no party. I want every one to cry over the fact that I have left this world. Tell stories about my greatness in all aspects of my life and just discuss how cool I was. Also I realize that once I pass away the next year the Bills will win the Superbowl. It's just my luck!

East Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide

Anonymous said...

My funeral? Hmm... I plan on living a long time. Okay, don't spend a lot of money on it, eat a lot of good food(I love food)Play a lot of nostalgic music,don't show any pictures of me( I don't photograph well)Tell a lot of funny stories and laugh a whole lot! Okay girls, are you listening, I want the gospel message given at the funeral.It might be the only time we have some of my friends and relatives in church so let's use this wisely.Last of all, Be happy and know I am at peace. love, mom

Mrs. Birdie said...

Jay once said that he wanted to be stuffed, sitting in a chair, with a smile on his face and eyes wide open, while holding a guitar. I still don't know if he was joking or not...