Is The Reason I Suck At Life Because I Don't Own A Snuggie?

For someone who doesn't own a Snuggie I sure do spend a lot of time at Wal-Mart. For whatever reason when I'm at Wal-Mart strangers will strike up conversations with me. Does this happen to you? Is this normal?

The greeters ask me about the weather and then tell me their plans for the rest of the week based on the weather report. Seriously, this happens to me. The other day I was at Wal-Mart picking up a futon with Ryan. (It's a Christmas gift to replace Matt and I's craptastic couch) While I was waiting for Ryan to pull his car around so we could load the futon into it, another woman who was standing outside struck up conversation with me about futons. I bet, like me, you thought there wouldn't be much to talk about when it came to futons.

We would be wrong about that.

This lovely stranger told me how she owned a futon for 20 years and at first it was her couch, then her kids used it when their friends came over and now her 13 year old sleeps on it. She figured it was time for a new one because this one had so many stains. Stains, mind you, that she referred to as a "storybook of her life".

I will now abbreviate the previous statement to make it perfectly clear how sketchy it sounded.

STAINS = STORYBOOK OF HER LIFE

And now I'm going to leave that alone.

Tonight I ran to Wal-Mart at 9:30 to pick up some gift bags and such for Christmas. I figured I could get home and get some wrapping done before I blogged. Once more I was wrong. First, the worker in the Christmas section, who to her credit was working her butt off, started talking with me about how much she had cleaned. I smiled and said it looked great (it really did). This compliment caused her to launch into a detailed account about what exactly she had already cleaned and who cleaned what before her so that she could clean the things that she did and also what she planned on cleaning next. Then as she started to tell me how shocked the morning crew was going to be to see the cleanliness when they came in the next morning ...I wandered away from her. While she was still talking.

It was wrong of me to do that. I should have stayed. Heard her out. Wished her a Merry Christmas and possibly given her a hug. Found out if she was single and hooked her up with Ryan. I should have, but I didn't. And God has repaid me mightily for this sin.

Just as I was about to pay for the ten items I was purchasing and escape, someone called out my name. Well not my name, my maiden name. It was my former sewing teacher, Mrs. B. OK, Internet buddies, you don't know Mrs. B but everyone who does know her is laughing at me right now. Shaking uncontrollably with laughter and saying, "You should have finished that conversation with the Wal-Mart employee."

I stood in the electronics department for a solid hour discussing education, animal grooming, how dogs can help kids learn to read, a list of ways to help Punk sleep better, how Mrs. B's son doesn't sleep well either, ways to help fix depression. Oh and Wii's. A WHOLE HOUR. I was so thirsty. My tongue got stuck to the roof of my mouth once or twice.

In all fairness, I found everything she had to say fascinating and that's not even sarcastic. She's amazing and wonderful and honest and humble. The thing is, she knows everything. She's an accomplished seamstress, whose dogs teach kids to read and compete in dog shows. Her kids are in their 20's and one runs her own business and one is a computer nerd (read, has good job). Oh and she's a nurse. Here I am all proud because I got a new high score on my favorite Wii balance game and she's solving world hunger and poverty and I'm pretty sure Trent Edwards has a crush on her.

I suck at life.

16 comments:

Sonrisa said...

Oh! Oh! Dude.. I've been at a social experiment of maintaining eye contact for longer than a split second and usually, I just get surprised, pleased smiles. Yesterday, some guy called out "Babycakes!" and came over to hug me. O.O!

People and their social boundaries..

The Boob Nazi said...

Strangers always talk to me too! I DON'T GET IT! Do we have signs on our heads that say, "If you are strange, please, strike up a conversation"? I swear, I have weird conversations with strangers more than I have normal conversations with friends.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

That is too funny! Then there are people like me who have friends to whom everyone strikes up conversations and we begin to wonder, "What? Nobody wants to talk to me? No strangers just open up and tell ME their deepest, darkest secrets? Why not? Is there something wrong with me?" or not.

Kristina P. said...

I am telling you, a Snuggie will change your life. It is magical.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

you're going to the wrong wal-mart. . .but then again, only I live in the land of wal-mart where we have multiple choice wal-marts. . .if you pick the right one, it's kinda like going to the state fair: you feel so much better about your family/life for days!

Jolliebell said...

Rachel, you must live in the same area I do. Multiple choice Walmart. "No, don't go to that one. You don't want to go to that one. Go to the other one. It's much better."

I love Mrs. B. It's no wonder Trent does as well. She's wonder woman.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

All those people were lucky you would listen!

foxy said...

The only way you'll know is to get a snuggie and try it out. It just may be the key to all of our problems.

Dione said...

Stains = PICTURE book of my life

My only suggestion is DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! I did with one of those salesmen who run the little booths in the mall's hall - I ended up buying $70 worth of heating pads. But she threw in the octopus head massager for only $10.

Did you hear me? DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT!

coach said...

See this is why I try not to have too many friends! I used to say I only liked a few people but was kidding myself I think. People bug me to a point so when they start talking to me when I don't want them to, I have to slowly get closer and closer to the door until I can't get any closer and then it's time to make a run for it. Basically that means if you are boring me and we are not talking about sports then our conversation isn't going to last long because basically I am not the sharpest dude in this world.
If you just can't get away from the person it might be time to lie and say I have to go do something. Tell me who on this blog hasn't lied about that in the past!!!!!!!!

Mama Michie (aka Michaela) said...

I once had a 45 minute conversation with an elderly widow in Aldi about where to find and get cheap children's clothes (I was pregnant with my first at the time). You are not alone - those things happen to me too!
Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day!

Dione said...

Coach, instead of inching closer to the door you might try inching closer to their face. Then they might be the ones running for the door!

Date Girl said...

Walmart is a strange and scary place. You should hear Rodney Carrington's standup on the subject of Walmart, it's hilarious.

Happy Saturday Sharefest. Stopping by from SITS!

Dionna said...

omg I am SO GLAD I came over here right away! I am totally subscribing. You are hilarious. After the day I've had, I am currently giggling hysterically at your last two posts. Seriously.
I don't get chatted up at WM, I get stuck in the line with the clerk who either 1) doesn't know the number for any vegetable that comes through (and none of them have a sticker); or 2) the women who have to search through their coupons 20 times, then put things back to lower the bill, no wait - I wanted that one - no wait, take that off and put the other on - oh hold on, keep the refrigerated cookie dough, but take off the green beans.
You gotta have priorities.

Thanks for the humor, it was sorely needed :)

Paige said...

This happens to me sometimes too! It's like I have "Hello... Talk to me and I will listen" on my forehead. Just stopping by from SITS to say Hello! Hope you have a very Merry CHRISTmas week!

Christy said...

okay..you are hilarious. I can only imagine what that woman meant about the stains being the story-book of her life---sounds like something allen from the hangover would say.
i might actually say it randomly to someone next time I am in walmart...oh no wait..i am going to use it as our "exit phrase" with my husband. you know that thing you say when you want to skip out of a gathering.
I am going to follow you...if only for posts about TE...i had to (sadly) drop him from my ff team.