A Very Asti Christmas

While Jessica was nestled snuggly in her quiet apartment for Christmas, Matt, the kids and I were trying to put as many miles as possible on our car over the Christmas holiday. As I mentioned last week, Matt's dad was in a bad car accident. He's doing better and better each day and it looks like he'll be able to come home sometime this week. Matt and I went up to the hospital on Christmas Eve and visited with him for a about an hour.  They still aren't letting him eat anything on account of the damaged esophagus, but on Christmas they let him get out of bed and pee sans a catheter. What a gift. I love to pee and even though I didn't ask him I'm sure it was awesome for him.
Now I would love to go into great detail about our Christmas celebrations. (that's a lie, I have absolutely no desire to recap Christmas Eve and Christmas in detail as I'm pretty sure the recap would be wicked boring.) Also I spent 8+ hours of my day playing Rock Band (a wise use of my time for sure) and can now only be convinced to share with you the cliff notes of my Christmas. This one goes out to Ryan who is the only poor schmoe I know working this week. Sucker.

The highlights of my Christmas were these:

  • J.P. eating 16 fried jumbo shrimp (They were huge. I only ate 3 so 16 was quite an accomplishment.) The result: slurred speech and delusions of being an elf.
  • I've mentioned before that I'm from a family of eaters, well Matt is from a family of drinkers and they  polished off 16 bottles of alcohol, twelve of which were Asti. If you have never had the pleasure of drinking Asti, don't start now. It's like alcoholic juice. You start a glass and before you know it you've had twelve bottles. It's the peanut butter cream of liquor.
  • Mallory telling another kid at Christmas Eve dinner that Santa had died.
  • That kid telling her, "Well if that is true that Santa died then he rose from the dead." You know, like Jesus.
  • I got new shoes. New shoes that I swear I didn't wear before Christmas. I did not wear them to the mall. I did not wear them to the grocery store. I did not wear them to my mom's house...I promise. (Well maybe I did. Maybe.)
  • Finding out that instead of buying new toys for my niece, my brother and his wife wrapped up toys she already had and let her unwrap them on Christmas. I respect that. She's only 15 months. She doesn't know any better.
  • I gave Matt a Fedora for Christmas, but before I wrapped it I put it on each of the kids and then myself and took pictures. What good is a gift if it hasn't been worn by someone else first?

  •  Then there was this: Note the hairstyle, a slept-in bump style achieved without the use of a bump-it. Is there a prize for this?


  • I spent 5 hours unpackaging toys. I feel certain that homeland security had a hand in packaging these toys. I ripped so much skin off my fingers that it wouldn't shock me if I didn't have fingerprints anymore.
  • And finally there was this: 

Yes, we all wore monster slippers and slept in our coats on Christmas. It's tradition.

What were some of your highlights?


    Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

    I am convinced that you need a PhD in engineering in order to open toys today. It's ridiculous!

    foxy said...

    I LOVE that you wasted 8 hours playing RockBand. But you didn't really waste that time... surely you got a little better at some instrument, right?? ;)

    We loved playing a new game - Bandu. It's kind-of a reverse Jenga and it's awesome. Oh, and DJ Hero. I spent several hours getting better on that.

    Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

    Do those monster slippers make stomping noises? Because that would be awesome.

    Punk said...

    I still say the highlight of my Christmas was Birdie telling me over Facebook that he couldn't sleep and he wished he could fly to Georgia and climb into bed with me. This includes my response of, "Aww. That's a little creepy." However, vague creepiness aside, the entire conversation made me ridiculously happy. Yay for brothers on Facebook on Christmas Eve!

    coach said...

    I must say that Asti tasted tremendous! Also not to talk trash here or anything but my son who is 3 got a 77 singing Eye of the Tiger and my 5 year old daughter got a 66 playing the drums. I can barely do that. We had a great Christmas but thank the Lord it is over!

    p.s. I basically polished off a whole sheet of muscles so my cousin had no competition. If I hadn't he might have been in trouble lol.

    Anti-Supermom said...

    I'm on my knees thank you for introducing me to a liquor that tastes like peanut butter - really? Because I'm ready to get into my van at this very moment.

    And 8 hours wasted - I think not ;)

    Sounds very similar to my Christmas.