My Stream of Conscience Is Terrifying

Sitting down to blog this evening, my mind went blank -- please don't be alarmed; this is normal for me -- and I couldn't think of anything to share with you. Then I remembered: I wasn't signed on IM. As I've established before I'm incapable of thinking without Jessica online with me, so even after spending a week together, I lack the ability to think without Jessica IMing me. We even IMed each other while I sat in her living room and she was in her bedroom. We might need to seek counseling.

So in case you lost track of my itinerary, I'm home. I know this because I have washed dishes, done laundry and watched football. Seriously, there was no football at Jessica's house.

NONE.

I know, right? Who doesn't watch any football? I didn't realize how much I missed it until my mom, the kids and I stopped at CiCi's Pizza for lunch on our way home and there were highlights from the previous weekend's games on the TV. My heart leapt in my chest. I almost cried for joy. Oh Football, we were meant for each other.

In a vaguely related note, I heard a singer with a Scottish accent today and was immediately in love. Trent who? (I didn't mean that.) I sent the link of the song to Jessica, and she pointed out that he was a pretty funny guy. To that I say, "Who cares what he said?" What is it about accents that make them so hot? I don't know what he's saying, but I feel a little bit like taking my bra off. That might be because the underwire is poking my armpit, but most likely it's the accent.

In another vaguely related note:
Dear Victoria Secret, It is not ok to sell a product for $50 only to have it fall apart in two months time. If I wanted a bra that would draw blood from my armpit, I would have bought one from the Target Clearance rack. (The pun created by using the word "rack" was completely unintended, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it.)

I'm starting to feel a little guilty that you stopped by expecting a post that was cohesive and made a little bit of sense (at least I assume you did), and here I took unfocused to a whole new level. By way of apology, I wanted to share a nice little story from my childhood with you, but I couldn't think of one. Jessica suggested I tell you about the time she and I made mud pies and convinced Jay that they were chocolate and he ate them. I don't really remember doing that, but it's a good story and it totally sounds like something I would have done.

Jessica also suggested telling you about the time that she, Jay and I played LaserTag as teenagers and how Jay kept shooting his own teammates because he's colorblind and couldn't tell which people were on his team so he just shot everyone. We laughed at him.

I suppose if it's possible to take anything of value away from this post it's that someone's always got it worse then you. You might have suffered through 2-5 minutes (depending on how fast you can read) of my torture, but Jay had 18 years of it.

11 comments:

Givinya De Elba said...

Loved your comment at my place - you're completely right of course, there is huge blessing in having a poo.

Blessed are those that poo. I think there's a lesson in there, people.

The Boob Nazi said...

I love random posts. Sometimes they are just awesome.

Punk said...

Dear Victoria's Secret,

I buy my bras off the clearance rack at Target and none of them are currently wounding me.
I win.

Love, Punk

Bellsys said...

Yes, we've missed your blog. It gives us our laugh for the day...(This is bad. I look for your blog in the morning before reading my Bible!) Nix the underwires altogether...comfort is my concern...

coach said...

There are a lot of bra comments I can make but I will not considering the woman who writes this blog is currently married to me!

The IM information sounded a bit psychotic ladies I am sorry about that.

Lastly I just want everyone to know that when we became married this girl knew nothing about football but 8 short years later this same girl has season tickets to the Bills and watches press conferences which is something I don't even do. (I consider myself the biggest Bills fan in the world bar none)
She also called me from Georgia to give me Bills info while I was at work. Now that's a woman.

Dione said...

What's wrong with buying bras off of the Target clearance rack? After nursing 7 kids, anything is guaranteed to give me a lift!

foxy said...

The accents drive me cuh-razy too. For reals.

And you need to take that bra back to VS. That's just BS considering how much their bras freaking cost.

I heart the mudpie story. Awesomeness at its best, right there.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

I convinced my little brother to eat ants... That was a beautiful thing.

Spot On Your Pants said...

Well, I am wearing a Vicki's bra with one flap of fabric peeling away from the padding. And, not that I am nipping out, but that it adds volume! Come see my toilet photo!

Spot On Your Pants said...

oh yeah, and I used to make my sister eat cat food all the time.

Anti-Supermom said...

I love random postings! They make me feel like I've just jumped right into your brain... 'hi!'

;)