I Might Have Peed My Pants A Little...

Do any of you remember the movie Troop Beverly Hills? Please say you do. It's so fun.

The premise of the film is that a group of "Wilderness Girls" from Beverly Hills are trying to earn badges and be the best "Wilderness Girls" they can be. Now if you take the outdoorsy out of "Wilderness" then they were awesome. For example, to earn their camping badges they rented out a room at a swanky hotel and sat around in a circle on pillows in the dark with flashlights and told scary stories. I believe that the most frightening story ended up with a woman with a bad perm or something. The girls were terrified and rightly so if you ask me. The humiliation of a bad perm or dye job can be devastating. Not that I'm speaking from experience...

OK so if you consider what the "Wilderness Girls" did camping then Mallory and I totally went camping the other night. We huddled around the fake fireplace that my in-laws have and she told me the most terrifying story that a five year old could come up with and it went a little something like this (The parts in italics are my own personal thoughts on the story and in no way reflect the thoughts and/or opinions of the original storyteller.):

The Ghost and the Scary Woods

Once upon a time there was a ghost and he walked and walked until he got to a place called the scary woods, scratch that, just The Scary. (that's much more intimidating isn't it?)
He walked to a castle and there were a prince and a princess, but there isn't a happy ending. 

And then, (it helps if you read "and then" with dramatic flair) the bad guy came and made the prince and princess his bad slaves. (I'm not sure what "bad slaves" entails, but I'm pretty sure it meant that the bad guy made them make their own beds and finish all their veggies at dinner.)

And then (still with dramatic flair please) a wolf and bear came. (They don't really play a major role in this story. Pretty sure she just threw them in there for dramatic effect. Well played, Mallory, well played)

And then, back at the big castle (it is imperative at this point in the story that you lift both hands over your head and wiggle your fingers to properly demonstrate the magnitude of the castle) the bad man captures the rest of the people. It's a lot of people, more then is in the whole world. He captures them by throwing a blanket over them. (I actually got a demonstration of this process during this point in the story)

Now I don't know about you but I am terrified and really would like this story to end so that I can get the proper counseling that I will clearly need after this story. I gently encourage her to finish her story by saying, "Wrap it up, kid. This story is taking forever."

And now the conclusion of The Ghost and the Scary Woods:

Then there was a king and a queen. See it had a happy ending.


The Boob Nazi said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! I was totally doing the freddy as a joke at the club last night and while working out on Thursday! WE ARE SOUL SISTERS haha.

Dione said...

She really ought to have her own blog!

tbsomeday said...

what a great story...good as a stand alone..but even better with your commentary
she's her momma's girl, eh? :)
thank heavens it all worked out in the end

JoeyRes said...

Quite a writer you've got there! I'm very intimidated by "The Scary".

I haven't thought of Troop Beverly Hills in so long. I still remember, "then the ghost was in the foyer." Except they said foy-yeah.

So funny when I was 12.

Cyndi @ 6 Ring Circus said...

Awesome. Your kid definitely has your flair for storytelling. Your italicized comments are exactly the kind of thing that goes through my mind when one of my boys is going on and on. Especially the "wrap it up already" part. LOL.

just call me jo said...

I think I had a dream about The Scary last night. Who would have known?
Your daughter is a keeper.

Jessica and Jason said...

I think I actually saw something like this on random late night cable back in my ungodly-hours-of-the-night breastfeeding days. Mallory's has a better ending though. Have her throw in a hair-raising brush with a bad perm and she'll have the networks eating right out of her hand.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

Excellent story! Thank you, Mallary. Will there be a sequel?

Bellsys said...

Beth, stop interrupting! I'm trying to focus...the hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end!!! Eeeeck! Oh good...I love happy endings...especially romantic, happy endings! Thanks Mallory!

Grilled Cheese said...

This sounds very similar to the stories I used to tell my mom, but it usually ended with Jesus being angry and making scrambled eggs.

And Troop Beverly Hills is one of the finest movies in the land. No no, thank YOU, Shelly Long!