How I Suck As A Parent

I'm blogging from the Touch tonight because I'm at an indoor waterpark with the kids and my in-laws. We are waiting for a Looney Tunes character to stop by with milk and cookies and tuck the kids in. I know what you are thinking: "Really, Bethany, you've gotten so lazy that you are paying someone else to tuck your kids in?"

Yes, I really am that lazy.

It might seem as though that is enough to prove that I suck as a parent, but wait, there's more. Today Mallory reached a childhood milestone. She lost her first tooth. It became very loose this morning while she brushed her teeth, and by lunchtime, it was dangling and everyone convinced her to let me pull it out. She's a bit skittish so we hid in a corner of the hotel room, and I reached up and touched it. It was gross. I pulled my hand away and said to her, "Are you sure you don't want your dad to do this?" She didn't, and I was stuck, I mean privileged to yank her bloody tooth from her mouth.

There are certain things I just can't handle, like vomit. I always make Matthew clean up vomit. Everyone always says that once you are a mom that those kind of things don't bother you. They lied. In six years of parenting, I've maybe cleaned vomit once and I gagged violently the whole time.

So tell me, what grosses you out? Use details and descriptive language. See if you can trigger my gag reflex.


tbsomeday said...

lol--i can handle gross (though i don't enjoy it)
my daughter is longing to lose a tooth after she saw her friend lose one

what bothers me is the possibility of a horrific accident
like, if i see them take a bad fall--in my mind might flash a picture of their arm broken with the bone sticking out, blood everywhere with their frantic screams--even though they might be fine--the image flashes before me

or if it looks like they get poked in the eye badly...i might first picture that their eye is hanging out of the socket and hear their piercing screams echo through my head...get myself all sick only to find their eye is just watering...

when the dogs have had bad injuries
(broken leg left dangling or shot by a bullet with skin blown open...or caught in a trap) i initially panic in my mind
but then settle down to get the job done
that moment of panic that i feel though is terrible--i hate that feeling of weakness

hmmm...what did my reply turn into? lol

did someone end up stopping by for the tuck in?

Cyndi @ 6 Ring Circus said...

I handle almost all the gross stuff in our house - including vomit, poop and accidents. My oldest son took most of the tip of his finger off one time and the hubs REFUSED to look at it - just said, I'll drive you to the ER. But he does handle loose tooth, which I am grateful for. Seeing them dangling there just freaks me the hell out. And I HATE IT when the boys play with super loose teeth with their tongues. Ewwwww.

Maggi said...

Oooo bloody teeth, yuck. How about this: yesterday Toot pooped and the dog got to her diaper before I did. I found the diaper but no poop. Ew.

Emily said...

What grosses me out? Well, today at the park when I thought the stains on my daughter's pants were cocoa and then later, after about an hour in the hot sun, I discovered they were actually poop, that grossed me out. Then, trying to clean up the aforementioned hot, poopy diaper and finding out the poop was dried and caked on like grains of sand that just would NOT come off and...

Yeah, okay, that's about as far as I'm willing to go!

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

You pulled the tooth! Good for you. Congratulations. Well done.

I like to wait for them to fall out. Josiah has only lost one so far but he has another one that is loose and I am content to wait for as long as necessary.

I HATE pet vomit the most. I don't gag easily but one whiff of that stuff and I run the other way. Good for me and bad for him, my husband has no sense of smell so if he is nearby or will be nearby relatively soon, he gets the cleanup job. That whole "since you can't smell" thing works pretty well for disgusting diapers too.

Punk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grand Pooba said...

I have to say puke is mine too. More specifically human puke. I've cleaned up dog and kitty puke and as disgusting as it is, it's never as bad as that human shit. I'm gagging now, thanks so much.

(best post label ever btw!)

Linda said...

After six kids, not a lot. I even pulled already chewed gum off a clearance item at Old Navy and got an even bigger discount. The girl at the register was like "oh gross". I did not even bat an eye.

Amanda said...

See, these are the things I don't think about when considering starting a family. I totally forgot that small people lose their teeth and Mommas have to clean them up.

Things that gross me out are: runny cat poop, mildewy hair that you pull out of a drain, moldy chili that was made a few weeks ago and you forgot about and now it's all green on top.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

um, I'm a speech-language pathologist, so I've got a huge gross tolerance. I'm routinely peed on, wiped boogers on, and bit. In fact, I sometimes spend a lot of time doing oral care, which means I've cleaned rotten, days old food out of grown-ups mouths. In fact, of the previously mentioned gross things, I've had 2 happen today (thus far). Can you guess which ones? what can I say? It's a glamorous life. : )

Lynda said...

Both my kids had to sign binding contracts before they were brought home from the hospital.. promising they would never vomit if Dad wasn't home.. Mummy doesn't do vomit. Not all that fussed about blood or teeth pulling either. But I am a wiz at de-lousing.

JoeyRes said...

Congratulations on the first tooth fairy visit. I hope you've prepped by giving Mallory low expectations. "The tooth fairy brings a shiny quarter," is my favorite line.

My daughter spit up in my mouth when she was about eight months old. It is to this day the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to me. I was lifting her over my head. "Oooh, you're an airplane," or some crap. She hurled and it went right in my gaping mouth.

How's your gag reflex?

JMJE said...

OK I really like this post b/c my husband (we do not have any kids) always thinks its crazy when he hears a parent say something like, "it's ok that I have vomit on my face, because it's my baby's vomit". He does not think that he will ever feel that way so that's cool that you don't.