Sometimes You Just Have To Let Your Husband Win One

When you have your first child, they are sweet and innocent and perfect. You dream about what you hope they will become, and while none of us are in any hurry for them to grow up, we wonder what it will be like when they reach certain milestones. For me, I always dreamed of my kids learning to read. Matt, however, dreamed of something so much nobler than I. From almost the very moment Mallory was born, Matt dreamed of watching WWE's Wrestlemania with her. He would talk about it every March, and I would argue with him. "She's too young. She'll be scared," I would say. But his dream wouldn't die, and this year I agreed to let him keep our kids up past their bedtime to watch grown men in spandex undies try to spill another man's blood.

That's right. I let my kids watch part of Wrestlemania. They're already have a strong future set as social outcasts; we might as well teach them how to fake fight.
 

 Mallory was totally into it. She even got out pom poms.

Matt was equally invested, and even though you can't see it in this picture, he's got his cheerleading outfit on underneath that Metallica shirt.

As evidence for how into Wrestlemania Matt was, when I was uploading the above picture he said, "When did you take that picture?"  Um, today, Matt. During Wrestlemania. Actually now that I've given this some thought, I think I could use this to my advantage. I see big things (and possibly shiny and glittery) in my future.

 Of course no one was more into it then Anthony. (Yes, my kid is wearing Christmas pj's. I have no defense for this.) A new dream was born. He dreams of one day walking down to the WWE ring wearing his spandex undies (with Transformers on them of course), his long hair glistening in the light of the pyrotechnics, and claiming the belt for his own. There is no trophy manlier or more coveted then that of a golden belt.

He loved his belt. He caressed it. He even stared at it longingly. Nothing could come between him and his precious until that fateful moment when the evil monster (played by me) made him go to bed.

Then, when his guard was down (he was asleep), his enemy (Ryan) snuck up on him and put a wrestling move on Anthony that we call the "I'm a big man because I pinned a small child while he slept so I can win the belt." It's a complicated move that requires both patience and courage.

Having successfully pinned a sleeping child, Ryan claimed what was rightfully his and taunted said sleeping child by whispering fiercely (we didn't want to wake him up), "Not so tough now, are you?" and "I own you, Sucka!"

It got pretty ugly for a second.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our new WWE champion by pinfall submission, Ryan.