Sometimes You Just Have To Let Your Husband Win One

When you have your first child, they are sweet and innocent and perfect. You dream about what you hope they will become, and while none of us are in any hurry for them to grow up, we wonder what it will be like when they reach certain milestones. For me, I always dreamed of my kids learning to read. Matt, however, dreamed of something so much nobler than I. From almost the very moment Mallory was born, Matt dreamed of watching WWE's Wrestlemania with her. He would talk about it every March, and I would argue with him. "She's too young. She'll be scared," I would say. But his dream wouldn't die, and this year I agreed to let him keep our kids up past their bedtime to watch grown men in spandex undies try to spill another man's blood.

That's right. I let my kids watch part of Wrestlemania. They're already have a strong future set as social outcasts; we might as well teach them how to fake fight.

 Mallory was totally into it. She even got out pom poms.

Matt was equally invested, and even though you can't see it in this picture, he's got his cheerleading outfit on underneath that Metallica shirt.

As evidence for how into Wrestlemania Matt was, when I was uploading the above picture he said, "When did you take that picture?"  Um, today, Matt. During Wrestlemania. Actually now that I've given this some thought, I think I could use this to my advantage. I see big things (and possibly shiny and glittery) in my future.

 Of course no one was more into it then Anthony. (Yes, my kid is wearing Christmas pj's. I have no defense for this.) A new dream was born. He dreams of one day walking down to the WWE ring wearing his spandex undies (with Transformers on them of course), his long hair glistening in the light of the pyrotechnics, and claiming the belt for his own. There is no trophy manlier or more coveted then that of a golden belt.

He loved his belt. He caressed it. He even stared at it longingly. Nothing could come between him and his precious until that fateful moment when the evil monster (played by me) made him go to bed.

Then, when his guard was down (he was asleep), his enemy (Ryan) snuck up on him and put a wrestling move on Anthony that we call the "I'm a big man because I pinned a small child while he slept so I can win the belt." It's a complicated move that requires both patience and courage.

Having successfully pinned a sleeping child, Ryan claimed what was rightfully his and taunted said sleeping child by whispering fiercely (we didn't want to wake him up), "Not so tough now, are you?" and "I own you, Sucka!"

It got pretty ugly for a second.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our new WWE champion by pinfall submission, Ryan.


Libby said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! My ex boyfriend loved wrestlemania, and every March, his siter-in-law and I would just plan activities together without the boys knowing they'd be MIA.
However, congrats to the winner. It looked like a close one.

blueviolet said...

Why must those belts be so humongously large and blinged out? LOL

Ry said...

Feels good to be the champ. No rematch for Anthony.

Anonymous said...

There is something SO wrong with this post!! What are you doing to my grandchildren!?? love, mom

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

the only person semi-famous from my home-town is the guy on the local wrestling circuit. seriously. there's nothing wrong with those pajamas. . .now his aspirations are somewhat questionable in my opinion.

Heidi O said...

My kids would wear christmas pjs year round if it wasn't hotter than hades in Vegas during the summer and fall.

Here it's all about ninja warrior on the g4 channel. That's what my 6 yo wants to do when he grows up.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

My husband must be a very bad man. My son drew a picture of him... sorta.

tbsomeday said...

what a wonderful family bonding time
you crack me up

i wondered who actually still watched i know :):)

Amanda said...

This is hysterical! I actually LOLed at work. And people were all, "oh, what are you doing that is so funny?" and I'm like, "web stuff. It's funny today." When really I was laughing at a grown man taking a belt from that sweet little child. :) I like "I own you!" the best.

Uptown Girl said...

I wear my christmas socks all year long. Good for Anthony- the winter pj's alone tell me he'll win the belt back one day from that big mean man-thief. And I hope you will provide pictures when he does!

coach said...

So everyone knows, I will train my boy to win back his title but this time it will be a hardcore match with his Uncle Ryan.

P.S. Goodbye HBK it was one heck of a run. Sorry guys I was ten and met him in the mens room at a wrestling event. I tried to stop watching wrestling but I decided it will never happen.

Grilled Cheese said...

I lived with an older couple ever so briefly and WWE Smackdown was what they did on Friday nights.

I mean, those were their plans. Every week. Without fail.

It was actually awesome because I got to sit with a 70 year old woman and hear her yell, "Oh, I just hate that Battista so much!"