The Stanford Axe - Right In The Neck, The Neck, The Neck

I discovered something this weekend that is pure awesome. The University of California Berkley (Cal) and Stanford each have something called an Axe Committee and these two committees meet up during the annual "Big Game" between Cal and Stanford.

The "Big Game" took place this weekend and, like, 20 kids from each school lined up across the field from each other and stared each other down West Side Story style (minus the snapping and dancing). The Stanford kids were wearing sunglasses like they belonged in the Matrix and the Cal kids were all dressed in snazzy gold and navy stripped polos, sort of like discolored bumblebees.

And they just stared at each other. Some of them took it more seriously than others.

One of the Standford kids looked like he was ready to rip the axe right off of the plaque and start using it on his Cal counterparts. It's a serious undertaking, staring down other co-eds on behalf of an axe. I'm guessing that only the best and brightest students are honored with admission to the Axe Committee.

Why all this fuss over an axe? Honestly you could pick up a brand new axe down at the Home Depot and you wouldn't even have to stare down an employee to get it. Well maybe; it is Home Depot.

So in an effort to turn over a new leaf, I decided to do actual research for a blog post. So I wikied the Stanford Axe. First, I cannot say enough how much I truly love wiki. Seriously, I love it. This is the real thing people. Love.

So here it is, the Stanford Axe originally came into play back on April 13,1899. I know, right? It's an ancient axe. There were these students called yell leaders (I'm assuming these students were the louder version of the staring committee) I bet you can't guess what yell leaders do.

Oh, you guessed.

Ok so during a rally, the yell leaders used the axe to behead a scarecrow dressed up like a Cal student and according to Wiki yelled this:

Give 'em the axe, the axe, the axe!

Give 'em the axe, the axe, the axe!

Give 'em the axe, give 'em the axe,

Give 'em the axe, where?

Right in the neck, the neck, the neck!

Right in the neck, the neck, the neck!

Right in the neck, right in the neck,

Right in the neck! There!

I know, I could stop right there. Could it possibly get any better? Why yes, yes it could.

Two days after the axe made its debut, Cal students stole the axe, and a chase through the streets of San Francisco ensued. That's right, students ran through the streets of an American city wielding an axe and no one stopped them. Ah, 1899, those were the days.

Of course, I'm sure you assumed that since Stanford houses some of the top brains in the country, they stole it back, and you would be correct. Thirty-one years and twenty-one Stanford students later they finally managed come up with a successful plan to reclaim the axe that included temporary blindness, tear gas and three get away cars.

Now, no one steals the axe. Not since the two schools went all peace treaty about it. Whoever wins the "Big Game," gets the axe. BORING. I want a high speed chase. I want to tune into ESPN and see the discolored bumblebees running from the Neo wannabes. I want to see a scarecrow get beheaded. Why doesn't anyone care what I want?

Don't worry. I have a plan. Ryan taught Bella how to have staring contests. It is my intention to make staring a regular part of our homeschooling. By the time she's college age, she'll be a master starer and I'm certain both Cal and Stanford will be recruiting her. Then she can make me proud by creating chaos and stealing things.