Holy Intestinal Wall, Batman

Eleven days ago, Matt called me from work to let me know he was leaving work early to see a doctor because he was in considerable pain. First of all, let's establish that he had to go to EmergentCare and not his regular doctor because he's a man and doesn't have a regular doctor. Why are men so afraid of the doctor? It's not like they have to spread their legs and let someone put a cold metal object...I digress.

The doctor takes one look at my pain-stricken husband and says, "Yeah, I think you have diverticulitis, kid." (This is a direct quote that I completely fabricated.) Then he listens to Matt's lungs and says, "And probably pneumonia," and sent him for tests. The test results are in and the diagnosises are...after the break.

I really need to get a few sponsors to pay for all these medical bills. Do da do da (that's my idea of a commercial song).

As I said, the results are in and, Walking Pneumonia, congratulations, you are dominating my husband's lungs, and, Diverticulitis, you have managed to infiltrate my husband's intestinal wall.

What no applause or screaming fanfare?

The EmergentCare doctor prescribed a bunch of antibiotics. According to Matt's new primary care doctor, one of the antibiotics should have never been prescribed or given to him because it can cause seizures and that's a problem that Matt's already on two different medications to avoid. Kind of counter-productive and makes me wonder if our pharmacy is paying attention. The EmergentCare doc also said Matt needed to be on a high fiber diet, but the Internet is telling me low fiber diet. What? Who should I listen to? Maybe I should check Wiki. Wiki take me away.

Are you ready for this? THE INTERNET WAS RIGHT. A person should be on a low fiber diet while suffering from a breakout and a high fiber diet the rest of the time. Now that Matt is feeling better we are switching to the high fiber diet thing. So I once more turn to my precious Internet for answers. Oh great Internet, I need recipes for high fiber meals that aren't chili, nachoes or just straight black beans out of a can. Speak to me, Internet.

And it did. It brought recipe after recipe. All of them involving seeds. Which if you know anything about diverticulitis, seeds are a big no no. Except when they are not. Which recent research shows they are not. But the new doctor says no nuts or seeds, but the Internet said it's ok and the Internet was right last time. Oh Crap. I hate you and your confusing mixed messages, Internet.

I didn't mean that. I love you, Internet.


Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I hope he feels better. I think it's no nuts and seeds..but what do I know, I got my MD online :)

The Boob Nazi said...

oooo diverticulitis sounds like FUN.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

Don't ya just love having to second guess the doctors? Maybe you could get both doctors and the pharmacist together along with WebMD and such and have a little pow wow, see if they can come to a consensus, see if anyone will "concur". Or not.

Dione said...

You could always just get a new husband...

(Just kidding Coach! I've stuck with mine and he's got waaaaay more problems than you!)

What about Fiber One bars? It even has fiber in the name.

Missy said...

I bought him shredded mini wheats (generic of course) They have 5 grams of fiber for each bowl. They are also cheaper and are less likely to be eaten like candy bars.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

I love the internet. . .except when I hate it. Hope y'all get it figured out and managed soon!

foxy said...

Oh man, that sucks for him! And yeah, I hate it when you are getting directly conflicting information and you have no idea what to believe. WTH?? How can two pieces of advice be exactly the opposite?? That doesn't even make sense. So irritating.

Glad you made up with the internet though... whatever would you do without him?!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about that? Need fiber though? How about those capsules and he eats chocolate? Seriously though, leafy greens and all that jazz? Why don't men have doctors? Do they all think it's they are just doing the turn your head and cough thing, or the rubber glive snap against the wrist thing while they're bent over check up?



Anti-Supermom said...

I hope the husband is feeling better, cause that all sounds yucky.

And how dare you curse the internet, how dare you!