Eleven days ago, Matt called me from work to let me know he was leaving work early to see a doctor because he was in considerable pain. First of all, let's establish that he had to go to EmergentCare and not his regular doctor because he's a man and doesn't have a regular doctor. Why are men so afraid of the doctor? It's not like they have to spread their legs and let someone put a cold metal object...I digress.
The doctor takes one look at my pain-stricken husband and says, "Yeah, I think you have diverticulitis, kid." (This is a direct quote that I completely fabricated.) Then he listens to Matt's lungs and says, "And probably pneumonia," and sent him for tests. The test results are in and the diagnosises are...after the break.
I really need to get a few sponsors to pay for all these medical bills. Do da do da (that's my idea of a commercial song).
As I said, the results are in and, Walking Pneumonia, congratulations, you are dominating my husband's lungs, and, Diverticulitis, you have managed to infiltrate my husband's intestinal wall.
What no applause or screaming fanfare?
The EmergentCare doctor prescribed a bunch of antibiotics. According to Matt's new primary care doctor, one of the antibiotics should have never been prescribed or given to him because it can cause seizures and that's a problem that Matt's already on two different medications to avoid. Kind of counter-productive and makes me wonder if our pharmacy is paying attention. The EmergentCare doc also said Matt needed to be on a high fiber diet, but the Internet is telling me low fiber diet. What? Who should I listen to? Maybe I should check Wiki. Wiki take me away.
Are you ready for this? THE INTERNET WAS RIGHT. A person should be on a low fiber diet while suffering from a breakout and a high fiber diet the rest of the time. Now that Matt is feeling better we are switching to the high fiber diet thing. So I once more turn to my precious Internet for answers. Oh great Internet, I need recipes for high fiber meals that aren't chili, nachoes or just straight black beans out of a can. Speak to me, Internet.
And it did. It brought recipe after recipe. All of them involving seeds. Which if you know anything about diverticulitis, seeds are a big no no. Except when they are not. Which recent research shows they are not. But the new doctor says no nuts or seeds, but the Internet said it's ok and the Internet was right last time. Oh Crap. I hate you and your confusing mixed messages, Internet.
I didn't mean that. I love you, Internet.