Six Degrees Of Nick Jonas

Tonight, while driving in the car with Mallory, a song by Disney starlet Selena Gomez came on the radio. Even though I couldn't see Mallory since she was nestled safely in the backseat, her reaction to hearing a Disney song on the radio leads me to believe that she might have peed herself and she hasn't done that in years.

I realize that not all of you have kids or are familiar with the Disney family of Starlets. I imagine that for some of you the last time you watched the Disney Channel, Haley Mills was swapping places with herself in an attempt to reconcile her parents. Or maybe Alanis Morrissette was getting slimed on "You Can't Do That On Television" (Yes, I realize that this show is from Nickelodeon but I wanted to use a picture of people getting green slime dumped on them.)

 

But boys and girls, the times they have changed.   The new class of Disney stars are mature, classy and demure. Case in point, Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana (perhaps you've seen some of that merchandise around.)

She's really such a pretty girl. She kind of makes me think of those little girls they dress up for pageants. Speaking of which, have you guys seen that Pageant Moms show? They give those little girls fake teeth and spray tans and then they limit them to only one can of aqua net per 5 year old. How is a little girl supposed to get her hair to stay put with only one can? Clearly Miley is using at least three cans in this picture.

O.K. so back when we were kids, we had no idea the backstage drama that went on. It was only years later that we learned the Brittany and Justin were more then just fellow Mousekateers. Alanis and Dave Coulier? Who knew? (Who wanted to?) Current day Disney starlets let it all hang out. For example, the lovely Miss Cyrus has been linked to the sweet and diabetes stricken, Nick Jonas.

 

Don't let that sweet face fool you. He's a mastermind with the ladies. The guitar should have tipped you off. Musicians can't be trusted. Lock up your daughters and warn your friends, this boy has had more girlfriends then those MBP boys. Besides Miley, Nick has also been linked to the aforementioned Disney Starlet, Selena Gomez.

 

Yes, she is named for the up and coming singer, Selena, that was stabbed to death by the president of her fan club. I can't think of a better namesake for a child that you plan to put on T.V.

Now in case that wasn't juicy enough for you, it would seem that our girl Selena has also been linked to Taylor Lautner... 

...and he was linked to Taylor Swift. Admit it, this is better than Rock of Love.

Now just in case you thought that I only notice this kind of information and that kids probably don't, they notice. Sadly, I think that Mallory could have filled you in on all of this too, but I type faster and shockingly enough, spell better, so I did it.

So I've filled you all in on the love lives of the under eighteen crowd so that I could blog about what Mallory told me to tell you.

Now back to the car ride, the Selena song, the not-so-wet pants. As soon as Mallory heard the song she started talking. And talking. And talking. 

Mallory: Mom, where does Selena live?

Me: California, I think.

Mallory: Is that far?

Me: Yes, farther than Georgia even. (We also measure time in television shows.)

Mallory: (sounding pretty worried now) How am I going to meet her and be her friend? Will she be dead before I am grown? 

Me: Um, I don't know if you'll ever meet her and she's pretty young, Mallory. I'm pretty sure she'll still be around when you are grown. 

Mallory: You know what you could write in your blooooog?

(Yes, I'm taking tips from a five year old.)

Me: (eager for a fresh idea as my life is so boring that I've taken to writing about the Disney dating pool.) What's that?

Mallory: You could tell everyone that I looooove Selena Gomez.

As tempted as I was to simply type: "Mallory loooooves Selena Gomez" and hit post I felt that you deserved to be subjected gifted with further explanation and also that picture of Miley doing her best Gene Simmons impression. 

Maybe I should have stuck with the one liner.