I'm Pretty Sure The Cat Is Dead

When Matt and I were first married we lived in an apartment that didn't allow pets. Our landlord made an exception for us and let us get a turtle. I think we named him something dignified and regal, but then Ryan came over and said that the name was no good and the turtle must henceforth (yeah I'm sure he used that word)  be known as Turtle (the turtle).

So began our first venture as parents. Turtle the turtle lived a very fulfilling life. We signed him up for a tumbling class, piano lessons and he even joined the track team. He was very busy, except, of course, for when he wasn't. Which was always.

He didn't seem to enjoy physical activity. He sat perfectly still in his tank ALL THE TIME. So no one can fault us when he died and we didn't notice. I have no idea how long he was dead before we realized. How long does it take a dead turtle to become covered in a nasty film from the water? It took us that long.

His funeral was nothing short of poetry. Matt walked out into the woods where I couldn't see and gently set him into a grave that we had marked with a granite stone that said, "Here lies Turtle the turtle. He lived a short yet porpoiseful life." Or Matt just chucked the poor thing as far as he could once he far enough into the woods that I couldn't see. Either way it was beautiful.

I shared this story with you for a few reasons. The first is to anger all the animal lovers that read my blog (We didn't actually kill the poor thing. It died of natural causes. I think. Probably. We might have killed it, but totally by accident.)

The last reason is so that when you watch the video of Ryan, Mallory and Matt playing Rock Band you don't think that someone is torturing my cat off camera (that's just Matt singing) and call the ASPCA on us. My cat is fine as evidenced in this photo that I took while typing this post.


No, he's not dead. He's just old and likes to nap all day.

On second thought maybe I should double-check.

Yep. Still breathing.

18 comments:

Punk said...

Omigosh, I totally love you guys. I think I might be crying a little. Omigosh. I may have to watch the video two or three more times just so you and I can be laughing at the same time.

That little girl is hardcore. Make sure you tell her I said so.

Dione said...

I don't know what to say - Actually, a thought popped into my head, but I feel it would be inappropriate to mention. It might have something to do with your post about turning 30.

Mr. Punk said...

Jethro Tull - Aqualung?

Queenie Jeannie said...

Oh my!! Yeah....rock on dude, rock on!!!!

The Lucky Mrs. T said...

Over from SITS.

Great post - I can relate as we had a fish vanish recently.

Bowl was empty....

We NEVER found the thing!

That might be a good prompt for me.

foxy said...

Okay, I have NO IDEA what song that was. And I have both RockBand 1 and 2 and know them both pretty well. ??? Please share.

I've considered putting a RockBand video on my blog before, but haven't yet. The rockstar feeling that you get while playing doesn't really come across on the outside,does it? Still, though, they totally rocked it. Well done.

Grand Pooba said...

oh my god, are you sure there wasn't a little sex goin on behind the scenes there?

Grand Pooba said...

Oh and I had a turtle when I was younger and it ran away from home.

True story.

TOWR said...

I always say I wish I could be one of my dogs. All they do all day long is sleep, eat, and possibly play--but mostly sleep. Your cat looked so comfy it made me want to go have a nap.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

This story made me think of Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail.
"Bring out your dead..."
offscreen: reow!

It also brought to mind the pet turtle my older brother had. That poor turtle... Just never leave your turtle out.

Who is that on the base? He looks kind of like Luke Wilson.

Acting Balanced Mom said...

stopping by from SITS - we have no pets now but my daughter had a blue fish named Bluie for a while... we had 3 Bluies before deciding we might not be good pet parents or that pet store beta fish have very short lives... either way - love your blog story today!

blueviolet said...

I love the two visions of the funeral you created and yes, both were equally beautiful! ;)

coach said...

Sad part is I don't even remember this turtle but I do kind of remember throwing an animal in the woods after death. Maybe it was him lol

Jessica and Jason said...

I had Sea Monkeys once. And that's the best part of the story.

Ms Bibi said...

So is there a North American tour scheduled yet? I wanna know when the tickets sale starts to make sure I get in.

Sally said...

hahahaha!! This reminds me of when my daughter was little with goldfish-she still tells people that I "flushed" them. :)

Here from SITS. Will be back; you have a very cute blog!!

Grilled Cheese said...

Sometimes, I'll make loud noises just to see if the dog across the street will move.

It's a really old dog and the family barely lets her inside, so I'm pretty sure I'll know she's dead before they do.

Rat bastards.

Oh, cute cat!

Cyndi said...

Great post. Made me think I need to finally put into words an insane event that happened at our house. The cat died. The cat was buried. The cat CAME BACK. I shit you not. It's a great story. Thanks for the inspiration to get it on my blog. :o)