An Ode To PMS

Have you heard the rumor that when women hang out together their cycles sync up? I think this information first came to light when some scientist discovered an entire African village made up of only women. He pondered why and went to live among them to study them.Three weeks later in a fit of PMS the entire village of women turned on him and he was never heard from again. The only reason we have the information we do is because of the hieroglyphics that he drew with his blood as he was torn limb from limb. According to his hieroglyphics, all the men of the village had fallen at the hands of the village women. They apparently turned on their men folk in a fit of PMS and since they were all synced up they became a terrifying and unstoppable force.

Jessica and I "hang out"  together a lot. We decided to channel our powers for good since, for most of the month, we really like our men folk. And here we give you:

An ode to PMS

Every breath I take
Makes me loathe myself
I wish I had chocolate cake
and a magic house-keeping elf

Some might judge the batter in my hair
I've licked the bottom of the bowl
I have my husband by the throat
Step back, my Fanta's not to share

Making me crazy is not PMS's goal
For it loves me all the more when I bloat
The cravings it gives me bring me joy
I long for chocolates and pork on a stick
Others hate PMS but I won't be so coy
It's what I've got and now we end this schtick


Maggi said...

lololololol too funny! And I MUST have chocolate during that time. An absolute must.

Shell said...


I downed a bottle of pamprin this morning. Cramps are not fun.

Grilled Cheese said...

Serves that dumbass scientist right. What kind of a scientist could he have been if he didn't see that coming?

I'm going to pretend that story is true because it makes me happy.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

People should leave one's Fanta well enough alone! It's a good thing it wasn't Dr Pepper.

I once roomed with six other girls at the same time. Males Beware should have been posted on the dorm. And we were the nice room.

The Football Wife said...

Wishing you a chocolate cake
To help you with your cramps & aches

foxy said...

Just perfect - love it!

coach said...

I just want everyone to know: MY WIFE WAS TOTALLY WRONG IN THIS INSTANCE! She is the girl who steals everyone else's drink and I am sure Jessica can verify that. For me to take one sip of crappy Fanta and have her get all PMS'y it was just wrong I tell you just wrong

Jessica and Jason said...

Hey, I DO want chocolate cake and a magic house-keeping elf...

BTW, I was IN that 6-girl room with Sarah, and we really were the nice room. It's a miracle that dorm didn't disappear in a mushroom shaped cloud of estrogen.

Shelle said...

LOLOL I love Ode to PMS!
I've heard about the syncing of Aunt Flo between women who are close. I don't get it, but it does seem to be true!

Stopping by from SITS!

Amanda said...

Dude, when I was in college my best friend and I were totally "synced" up and it was freaky. There were days when we couldn't be around each other because of the ANGER. Then my favorite PMS memory is when we went to McDonalds for their "premium" chicken nuggets and hot sauce, and we were all, "can we have extra hot sauce" and literally were craving it so much that we agreed we both wanted to drink it through straws. Ha! this is hysterical!

Visiting from SITS!