Dabbling in Bigamy

The other day Matt was flipping through the local Penny-saver in search of ads for yards sales. He found one that he thought was a winner and handed the paper to me to read. Instead of reading the ad he had found for the yard sale, I read the ad next to it:

GIRLFRIEND WANTED - 20's - 50's. Hear Recorded Message. Toll free 1-888-blah-blah. I am a loner type, handsome man, no kids.

If only I was single, Mr. Handsome Loner type man. I fall into the 30 year age gap that you find acceptable. Also it's no big deal that you have no kids because I have a few and we can share them.

I really liked how you took the initiative and put an ad in a local paper that also carries ads for farm eggs and used cars. It shows that you think outside of the box or that you've recently watched Juno. Making the effort to make it easier to contact you by setting up a toll free number doesn't scream desperation, it says, "I care about you and won't make you pay for dinner." Also I loved how you titled the ad "Girlfriend Wanted", if there is one thing that all girls like it's to be wanted.

I do have a few concerns though. Like could you be more specific about what "loner type" means? Does it mean you are a psycho that avoids all human interaction and are looking for an unattached female to stuff into your freezer or that you are simply a bit of a homebody? The other thing that worried me a little was the "handsome man" claim. Who decided that you are handsome? Was it you or your mom? Because those two sources aren't always the most objective. On the other hand, if you get mistaken for Trent Edwards a lot then the claims are valid. Perhaps you could include a picture when you let me know if you intend on killing me for sport. That would be awesome.

Call me.

It's OK if you leave a message with my husband.

MWF w/2kids, N/S

11 comments:

Bellsys said...

Ha! I saw that same ad! My first thought was..."How do you spell: D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E?" The freezer or underground containment facility came to my mind as well. (Just saw movie, The Lovely Bones.) What really scares me is there is probably some female desperate (or curious) enough respond.

Anonymous said...

OH my gosh! You are so back!! I am laughing and laughing!! I am happy to start my day with you! Love you,honey!! mom

Ry said...

LOL!!! good things.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

oh, yeah. that's totally the guy they're going to be arresting after they find 24 bodies in his back yard. . .good luck with that. . .

coach said...

weird dude but wouldn't we all love to see what he looks like!

Kathy English said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Too funny - recently watched Juno. . . wonder if he lives with his mom.

Grand Pooba said...

BAhahaha! Oh you should really call that handsome loner just to see!

Dione said...

Oooh oooh oooh! I am also in his acceptable age range! On a scale of 1-7, how much do you think he like kids?

tbsomeday said...

oh my goodness
this is something!!
i would be scared silly
the loner thing leads me to believe crazy!

lol--you make me laugh as always with your commentary :)

Sara said...

Is it weird that this is oddly appealing to me?

The only part I find off-putting is the wide range in age.

Generally, I find most single men go younger than they should and if he was willing to go up to 50, my guess is that he's about 75.

Sarah and the Gentlemen said...

Did you ask your husband why he would be trying to farm you out!?

Then I just wonder if he actually gets any calls from that! Seriously? Maybe it would be a step up for those prisoner-hunting women...