Did You Want To See Those Pictures From The Green Day Show?

Yeah me too. My faith in Tony turned out to be blind optimism after all. Actually he's been working on it. He's got a friend that's got an Uncle that has a Grandfather that once arm- wrestled Bobby Fisher and there was some question as to who won...Well, to make a long story short, he thinks that the cord he needs to upload the pictures to the computer is on a NASA space shuttle, and we should be seeing those Green Day pictures sometime before the next shuttle launch. *fingers crossed*

I was trying to come up with a good way to pass the time before the next launch and decided I should go shopping. I need some new pants, and I've recently found out that there is a Plato's Closet a mere hour from my home. So I went up there and searched around the store. Since I am in desperate need of new pants, I purchased two pairs of sunglasses, a necklace, a hat, a t-shirt for Coach and one pair of jeans. Way to stay focused, Missy.

I rode in the car with four other women: my mom, Aunt Lisa, cousin Honey and my little sister Gisele (she's tall and skinny and I'm short and well NOT skinny. I'm not bitter. At all.). We chatted about education and the new school opening near us that Lisa will be the principal of. As any good conversation about education will, ours morphed into one about urinals.
The urinal is a daunting and confusing contraption to women. It would seem that the first time my mother ever laid eyes on a urinal, she thought it was a drinking fountain. Let the record show that she did not attempt to quench her thirst at that time.
The first time Honey ever came face to face with a urinal, she was about nine and happened to be in a women's bathroom at a rest stop. We, the collective female brain-trust in the van, failed to determine the reason for a urinal in a woman's bathroom. Honey had no idea what this contraption in front of her was. Perhaps this was a new design of toilet or some foreign contraption. I mean they use bidets in Europe; any thing is possible right? So she used it. Like a toilet. As one that has had to squat out in the woods and attempt to not get any pee on my pants, I feel a bond with Honey now that I did not previously experience.

For all of you boys out there that now think woman are weird or just straight-up stupid, I would like to say you are all way weirder and dumber than we are. For example, every guy I've spoken to since I mentioned that Tony dropped into his friend's house just to use the bathroom, has been all, "Yeah, I've done that." And all of us women think it's totally weird because it is totally weird.

As for dumb, do I need to remind you about the penis innie? Oh yeah, it gets worse because after the original conversation went down, Tony and I were discussing it with Birdie, and Birdie claims to have achieved a penis innie at one time. So not only did he think of it, he actually took the time to follow through. Also, one morning his roommate stood in the doorway of their kitchen in nothing but a t-shirt with his penis tucked back all Silence of the Lambs and watched Birdie eat breakfast.

No matter how confused women are by urinals or how often we pee on our own pants while attempting to pee in the woods during a camping trip none of us have ever, EVER attempted to push our boobs back into our bodies or stood naked and watched another girl eat just to be creepy.

Seriously, I just don't get boys.


Mr. Punk said...

The urinal is an intrinsic part of a highly evolved male restroom etiquette. Watch this video and you will learn all you need to know about this wonderful device, the community built around it, the rules they must follow and the dangers associated with ignoring them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw

Punk said...

Don't talk in the men's room...

... or you'll DIE.

That's what we've learned today.

That and Birdie's roommate is psycho-creeptacular. And that I still love Mom's naivete.

Mostly not to talk while peeing or else YOU'LL DIE. I think that's the most important.

Dione said...

I'm just amazed that women marry men in the first place! I remember by first time seeing a urinal (at least the first time that I haven't suppressed it). I had just finished a swim meet and, a little dazed, I walked into the bathroom but there were these weird little toilets glued to the wall. Creepy!

I've never seen Silence of the Lambs, and now I'm kinda glad I haven't!

The Football Wife said...

I agree with Dione... it's surprising that women agree to marry men AT ALL. ;)