What Do Vampires, Football and Trent Edwards Hair Have In Common? The Superbowl, Duh.

So I'm trying to think of something to write about but my head is full of football related stuff. It's an exciting time of year for a football fan. Particularly a Buffalo Bills' fan. Every team in the NFL has a clean slate. I could go into great detail as to why the Bills need a clean slate more than most but I don't want to bore and confuse you. So let's just stick with the Bills need a clean slate more than most.
I mentioned yesterday that I've been reading every little report out of training camp and I wasn't kidding. One of my favorite daily reports pops up on the Bills message boards. When he describes watching TO play he says,

"TO sparkles at me again. This time it is the label on his hat. He left the laser label on there. He sparkles when he runs from his shoes. And then his hat and his diamond earring sparkles now and then. The man twinkles!
He knows what he is doing. It’s not over the top bling. But the guy knows showmanship. I like watching him sparkle."

I like watching him sparkle. I've heard these words before, most likely about a certain vampire.

Turns out that Mr. Cullen and Mr. Owens have more than just sparkle in common. It would seem that Terrell also runs with astonishing speed and possess grace and agility that others do not. It seems so clear now. How is it that after 14 years in the NFL he seems to not have aged or lost a step? Also it has been rumored that he eats his quarterbacks. How could no one have figured this out before. Terrell Owens is a vampire. It's the only logical explanation for his elite abilities.

As excited as I am about the acquisition of Terrell to the team, now that I have discovered the truth about him I am fearful for Trent's life. Trent has always seemed like such a good guy, he has a great upside as a quarterback and he's so lovely to look at...except for perhaps his current hairstyle. I'm on the fence about it. It's so iffy that even the media asked him about it. (The media always knows how to get to the heart of an issue don't they. Clearly our season depends solely on Trent's hair and not so much on how he plays.) According to Trent, his mom's not a big fan of the new longer hair.

Here is a refresher of Trent's hair from last season. We started out strong but then finished an with an embarrassing win/loss record of 7-9. We did not make the playoffs, but his hair looks cute.

Here we have the current hairstyle. Is this the look that will lead us into the post season? Trent himself claims the longer hair is due to his increased workout schedule (and not having enough time to get to the stylist). I personally think he's finally figured out what Samson (of the Bible) knew all along. Long locks bring the strength and endurance necessary to make it to the Superbowl. Samson knew it, I know it and now Trent knows it.

Don't listen to your mom, Trent. Keep growing that hair. I want the Superbowl.


Dione said...

I like it. He looks like a little boy. But the stubble looks out of place. Maybe he is trying to look younger since Terrell Owens (sp?) is on the team. If he just spikes it then he'll be sporting an Edward Cullen doo. FYI - Did you know that the author of the Twilight series is from Utah?

coach said...

My wife has a weird obsession with Trent Edwards and R Patz. I might have to start feeling jealous now. If Trent wins the Super Bowl though I will be fine with my wifes obsession though. GO BILLS! That Eddie Cullen is pretty fine too!

Punk said...

Eddie? Eddie?! Did he just call Edward Eddie??

... No, that can't be right.

I think you're on to something with TO. A vampire, hmm? It explains a lot. Clearly he's not the vegetarian kind. I mean, the aggression and sense of entitlement alone.

On that note, thanks for putting up a picture of pretty Pattinson instead of going with TO. He's definitely not as pretty. Can you imagine what he must have looked like as a *human*? Makes you want to shudder, doesn't it?