Dear Trent Edwards,
As I'm certain you are aware I've been at this blogging thing for nine months. I have spent this time faithfully championing your cause. I've convinced friends and family alike of your awesomeness by linking to pictures and videos of you, posting pictures and discussing your hair. For crying out loud every Sunday 25% of my visitors are dedicated googlers ogling you. I've even mentioned once or twice that you play football. However, your recent game play has left me confused.
Why? Why won't you throw touchdown passes anymore? Is it because I called your new hairstyle iffy? I didn't mean it, I swear. I like the new hair. It's perfect. Please get a first down.
In case you have forgotten or have been replaced by Dione in a Freaky Friday style switch-a-roo, a first down is when you've successfully moved the ball ten yards towards your own goal-line. You can get more than one if you want to. Get as many as it takes to get into the endzone. I won't complain if you take up a lot of game time to do it. I like to watch you play. Please don't end up a Las Vegas Locomotive like J.P. Losman. I don't think I could handle watching a UFL game. Not even so I can see your nice tan.
I realize that in NFL terms you don't make a lot of money but a half a million a year is enough to buy something nice for your offensive line. You're a highly intelligent, well-educated man so bargain with them a little. Promise to buy them something pretty if they keep the other team away from you long enough so you can pass the ball. You have excellent taste in watches, I'd
Trent, I must know, haven't I proven my devotion? I bought your jersey. I'm begging you, tell me what I've done to upset you. Why won't you win one for me? Are you upset with me because I didn't name my blog I Want To Marry Trent Edwards? C'mon man, I'm already married and I can only push my husband so far. (Plus it was already taken.)
Now Trent, clearly I'm on your side so I'm doing this for your own good. You aren't playing your best and I think you need a little motivation. I think bad pictures of you is the place to start. Consider this old high school photo a warning shot, next time I'll post the frosted tips link again.
It's only because I care.
A faithful and devoted Bills fan who would really like to know what it's like to watch her team play in the post-season,